I've not really blogged much thats really personal but as we take this journey with my mum it will have some impact on my business in fact it already has as some of you may know. So I thought the best way to explain & apologise for any delays that may occur is to share the journey with you, I don't post this for sympathy in fact far from it, if it helps but one person see that theres someone thats feeling the same & traveling a similar journey then great. This is a rather long post as I started it in July & its the journey from then until now.
With that I'll leave you, feel free to comment below & share your own journey.
With love Ash.x
Big C, the Journey
So everyone dreads getting ‘The Big C’ or one of their family members getting it & unfortunately a fair few of my family has but when its your mum its a whole different ball game.
On July 17th my mum went to the hospital for what she thought was going to be another routine mammogram, she went alone thinking its ok I’ve had one before I’ve nothing to worry about plus my younger brother’s twins were due the week later so she didn’t tell anyone that she was going & went alone. I got the phone call from her that afternoon to say she’d been & had had to have a biopsy, the minute I heard that I first (as you do) told her she should have called me & shouldn’t have gone alone & secondly reassured her everything would be ok & not to worry but something had rooted deep down, an uncomfortable feeling that this was in fact serious still I stayed positive as I believe in the power of positive thinking.
We busied ourselves that week helping to prepare for the twins arrival & making sure my sister in law was ok & was on call if needed, they’d asked be to be second birthing partner if needed, such an honour.
We went back on the 23rd of July for the results to be told yes you do have breast cancer & suddenly that uncomfortable feeling lifted slightly & a stronger feeling of don’t worry its going to be fine came over me. So I sat there being as strong as I could for mum as after all it was happening to her not me & I wanted to comfort her not the other way around. In fact I’m really proud of how I managed to keep it together as I can get so emotional (sometimes overly!) about things. Mum had a cry as you would expect then was straight into positive thinking mode as I was.
July 24th comes with the arrival of my newest nieces & although mum is going through what is the scariest time of her life she put it to the back of her mind & we made sure we were there for my brother & he’s partner at this exciting stage of their lives so far.
After that things have moved so quickly & she’s had such great doctors at the hospital & now just 4 weeks after the diagnosis she’s gone in to have a lumpectomy, that to me is just amazing maybe they always move this quick with cancer but as I’ve not experienced it I’m very impressed. Mum wasn’t anxious or scared she’s just taken it all in her stride, I’m sure she’s felt scared at times but hasn’t said anything, I’m so taken aback at how well she’s handled it all & so proud to be her daughter clearly any strength I have comes from her.
She’s still got a long road ahead, next is radiotherapy & hormone tablets followed by a strong possibility of chemotherapy but we’ll all be there to help her through nothing can beat you if you don’t let it.
So as the picture says 'kiss my a*$e cancer’ you can beat it mum we have every faith in you.x
Back again, the Journey
So mum has been doing great in her journey to recovery, well healing but still its all in the name of recovery. She’s had a few typical ‘Melissa’ moments, falling down a few steps on the stairs & grazing her arm, falling up the front step as she nearly locked herself out, you know the usual.
3rd of September is back to the hospital day & I can’t be there as Leah’s back at school, I call mum to wish her luck & to say ring me when you come out & then wait for her call. It seems like forever before I hear & when she finally calls I don’t hear what I was expecting. I was expecting ‘yep they got it all, I’ve got my tablets & this is the next plan of attack’ or something along those lines but that wasn’t to be the case. What she actually said was that she’s to go back under & have her lymph nodes taken out as its travelled to those too…. This was hard to hear, up until this point I’d been rather proud of how well I’d handled all the news & procedures but this just took my breath away. It was hard to hear the initial diagnosis but to then hear ‘I’ve got to go under again’ I felt like the floor had gone from under me. She looked so well & was healing great, how she must have felt is beyond me.
I guess things happen for a reason but why it had to be this I don’t know. So now her journey somewhat begins again, she’ll go under on the 23rd for the second op & following that it’ll be straight into chemo this time as opposed to radio therapy first.
I’m still sure it’ll all be fine but I am finding it harder this time, I feel so much more emotional about her going under again… maybe I just didn’t let it all out in the first place, either way we begin again.
2nd time lucky, the Journey
So mum went in again & has again done really well. Coming round was a bit ropey again it would seem coming round from anaesthetic makes her.... lets say a little grumpy ;) lol but other than that she's been fab again.
She's in a fair bit more pain this time round, we assume due to the going in through the same place & going higher up. The scar is rather angry at the moment & is bigger than I expected although I don't know what I expected really so thats rather silly to say!
Now the healing can start again & we can hopefully move on to the next step of the journey to full recovery. Mum just wants the next stage to begin now so she can start to get some form of normality back, gone is the feeling of 'oh this is going so quick!
Results again, the Journey
In two days time mum is back at the hospital for results again, I’m seriously hoping that its now time to get on to the next step of the journey into recovery.
Mums had quite a bit more pain this time round & the scar is now much bigger, probably isn’t huge but its bigger than it was never the less.
Results came back good, there was cancer in 4 of the 12 nodes they took out so mum has to have another two scans to make sure there isn’t any further lumps & to check her bones. I feel ok about this, quite positive in fact, mums not of course as its all so scary but I don’t know I just feel like this is going to be ok.
Mums scans are all clear!! I’m so pleased, the relief was immense. Now for the really hard part of the journey…… chemo, this starts Nov 9th until then :) x